not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
