just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
