I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
