I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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