dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
