I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
