Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My bed smells like the plague
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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