Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
