Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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