Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
her vagine was all disorganized.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
