My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize