A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
