I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
