For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize