I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
