Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
