Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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