On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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