WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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