I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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