How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
