I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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