i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize