Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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