Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
