I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
