I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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