I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
