Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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