what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
