Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
