the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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