I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
