How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
