So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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