So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
