Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
