I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
