he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
