She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
