we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
