people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
