wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
