Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I want a musical about memes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
