its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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