Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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