I murdered the dance floor call the cops
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
