They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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