Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
