Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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