I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize