I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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