Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
