U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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