He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
