when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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