Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
