youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize