You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
