we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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