Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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