What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
