Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
