Plan B is the new Plan A
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
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