Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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