Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
