Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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