fuck your aforementioned shoe
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
