Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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