Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
