so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
